Change I Can Believe In

{ November 7, 2008 @ 5:17 am } · { God, Me }
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“America needs no words from me to see how your decision in Roe v. Wade has deformed a great nation. The so-called right to abortion has pitted mothers against their children and women against men. It has sown violence and discord at the heart of the most intimate human relationships. It has aggravated the derogation of the father’s role in an increasingly fatherless society. It has portrayed the greatest of gifts — a child — as a competitor, an intrusion, and an inconvenience. It has nominally accorded mothers unfettered dominion over the independent lives of their physically dependent sons and daughters”
And, in granting this unconscionable power, it has exposed many women to unjust and selfish demands from their husbands or other sexual partners. Human rights are not a privilege conferred by government. They are every human being’s entitlement by virtue of his humanity. The right to life does not depend, and must not be declared to be contingent, on the pleasure of anyone else, not even a parent or a sovereign.” (Mother Theresa — “Notable and Quotable,” Wall Street Journal, 2/25/94, p. A14)

An acquaintance from high school has a web page in which she writes her political and religious opinions. I’ve read them, and thought them to be plain stupid. I feel she is wrong on every thing, and yet she states her opinions as gospel. I read her page, shake my head,  get annoyed, complain to my husband about what a Moron she is.

Husband asked me why she bothers me so much.  Perhaps it only bothers me so much because I don’t have the nerve to stand up for what I believe in. I so fear be called a hypocrite by others that I don’t even try to proclaim my own Christianity. I so fear being judged by my own friends that I dare not speak of my true beliefs. Looking at this acquaintance’s page I realized, SHE is not afraid. She’s not afraid of my opinion. She’s not afraid of offending anyone with her “beliefs.” Why am I?

I have been a closet Conservative, and worse yet, a closet Christian for way too long.

When I was a baby I was baptized as a Lutheran. Growing up, we rarely went to church. My Grandmother was Catholic, so I had the Lord’s prayer memorized. Then when I was a teen my mom and I joined a very strict cult like church. At first it was a good fit. A lot of my family members went there too and it was nice to be a part of something. But it almost ruined Christianity for me. They were so strict and judgmental on every aspect of our personal lives. They claimed to be the only “true” church. The whole world had it wrong, except for us. They were, for all intents and purposes, a cult. Everyone else could see it, but not us. They even had me believe I had to marry within our church group. Unfortunately I did.

Towards the end of my first marriage I stopped attending this church. It was easy. I was away from my family  at that point. I was tired of all the judgment. I knew that I could still have my own beliefs and not have to go to that church. I didn’t turn on God, just this cult.

In 1993 I moved back home to Texas and tried to start my life over. I reunited with my old high school flame and I started going to his church. In 1995 I was baptized. I’m a Christian, but you’d never really know it by the things that I say and do. I don’t talk about my religion or past experiences. Actually I’m a terrible Christian. I’m a big fat sinner, and up until now it doesn’t seem like I am trying to do anything to change.

This election year has brought so many things to light. My eyes have really been open to what people really think, including myself. I had to ask myself who’s opinion matters more? God’s or people’s?

So today (and tomorrow and the next day, and so on…) I am going to promise that I will do better. I will not be afraid to say what’s on my heart. I will not be afraid to defend my God and my beliefs. If I lose “friends,” then so be it.